53 Thoughts That Have Just Passed Through My Head

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I’m amazed that I lived with the belief that my internal monologue was speaking the truth to me for so long. No wonder I started to loose all sense of myself and the world.

I’m happy that now, while it still runs on overdrive, I now know not to get too involved with it.

Here is a snippet from the last 5 minutes:

  1. I’m not productive enough.

  2. I could go for a run

  3. It looks too windy, I’ll go tomorrow.

  4. I’ll write something.

  5. I’ll just check my phone first.

  6. Crap, I just saw something about my ex. Now I feel stressed.

  7. I shouldn’t be single

  8. I’m too old to be single

  9. Maybe I need to get used to being alone.

  10. Shit, I’m single.

  11. I’m spending too much time by myself.

  12. I feel guilty for not going for a run.

  13. I‘m overweight.

  14. What am I doing with my life?

  15. I’m not doing enough

  16. Maybe I can be an artist

  17. Am I already an artist?

  18. Ha, a failure more like

  19. What have you really achieved?

  20. Am I a writer?

  21. I feel like a writer?

  22. What makes you think you are a writer?

  23. I’m not qualified enough

  24. I’m too old

  25. I’m too young

  26. I studied the wrong subject at university

  27. I should have started doing that when I was 15

  28. It’s too late

  29. The world’s fucked anyway

  30. Fuck, the world is so fucked.

  31. I’m so angry with people who drink out of plastic bottles.

  32. Why are people so selfish?

  33. Wow, why am I so judgemental.

  34. I’m such a hypocrite.

  35. I’m wasting my life.

  36. Nobody understands what I’m trying to do anyway.

  37. What are you trying to do??

  38. I’m just pretending to have a clue about life.

  39. Everybody thinks that I’m useless

  40. I’m never going to be at peace with myself

  41. I’m so stupid

  42. I should be having sex more

  43. Everyone else is having sex all the time

  44. I’ve been watching too much Netflix.

  45. I’ve been pretending I haven’t been watching too much Netflix.

  46. I should delete Netflix.

  47. I’ll delete it soon.

  48. I’ll check my phone again.

  49. What’s happening on Instagram, 2 likes and friend request from “win80K_followers” — hmm, maybe I should post something more interesting.

  50. No, put your phone away. Why don’t you have any will power?

  51. I’ll never be taken seriously.

  52. I couldn’t even be bothered to run.

  53. I’m not even very good at running.

It’s interesting for me to note that much of the time these days the volume on this monologue is turned down and replaced by a deeper truth.

A truth that is based on self love and self trust — one that knows that everything I do has a purpose and knows that I am enough.

But still the monologue runs in the background, vying for attention.