I am curious person, quiet at first and louder when I get to know you. I like looking at how to change systems and how to empower individuals.
Over the past couple of years I’ve really been struggling with depression, anxiety and self-confidence issues. By that I mean I’ve been consciously trying to face up to it for the past couple of years. In reality it has been a much longer struggle stretching back a long time.
I’ve spent the last few years experimenting with routine, going to lots of powerful workshops, reading articles, meditating and meeting people, and that has been really useful. But when I honestly think about it, I have still spent most of my time waiting for the world to come and save me.
Recent events have helped me to see how short life is, and how fragile reality can be. With that, the realisation has come that I could spend the next 30 years sitting on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself and waiting for someone to come and give me the answer to all my problems. To shine a light on my true path.
But that’s what I’d be doing…
People can guide me and inspire me, but ultimately I’m the only one who can really make a change.
I remember thinking when I was younger that I had created an alternate persona to try and cope — one that was fun, confident and a bit aloof, but at the same time i knew that I felt deeply sad inside.
I knew when I dug down far enough inside there was a terrible, dark place that was too unbearable to visit. The easiest thing seemed to be to make sure it remained buried at all costs — to build a wall around it and ignore it.
However, walls don’t last forever. There came a time when I realised that these feelings weren’t going to go away. The more I ignored it the more it began to engulf me.
I realised that if I dig deep I do find that terrible, dark place. But if I keep digging I get to a completely alternate reality on the other side. One of peacefulness and serenity. A place that some people would call happiness.
For years now I’ve had the notion that the life and reality I’ve created for myself just isn’t working, but I felt overwhelmed about doing anything. For the first time in my life, however painful some of the things I’m going through may be, I have an opportunity to consciously embrace life and embrace uncertainty.
I want to better understand my own mental health, and hear about how others have coped and are coping. I want to meet the people on the front line of changing the world. I want to be part of the new story around mental health.
These last few years I’ve had so much anxiety about myself and my relationship to the world around me, about paying bills and finding work, about a million other things.
I realise a need for change.
This is where the idea for Ministry of Change emerged - I decided it was time to pull together all the things I have been learning over the past few years and take a leap of faith into the unknown.